Okay, you’ve logged on to read about bellydancing, Burlesque and Bollywood and I’ll get around to it very shortly but first, I must emplore you to help me. Grumpy Old Menopause is a finalist for the People’s Book Prize Award, a prestigious award that is chosen by YOU the public.
You can vote from any country and any email address. It takes little time. First you log onto the People’s Book Prize website HERE. Then register your email address – you need to solve a maths problem to prove you are not a robot too. You will then get a unique code and you need to log back onto the site. After that, you click the PURPLE finalist button on the left hand side of the page (or click HERE) and look at the three categories: yellow fiction, blue non-fiction and green children’s book. Click the middle blue link and the non-fiction finalists will appear. (or, click HERE) Grumpy Old Menopause is the fifth book down. Please follow voting instructions which are very easy.
The award ceremony is being televised live on Sky television so I am hyper-excited about it this year.
If you enjoy my humour and are happy to support me, thank you from the bottom of my heart.
If you have any trouble logging onto the People’s Book Prize Award website or need more help, email me at email@example.com. THANK YOU!
And so B is for…
If you have a problem with a bloated belly thanks to your irritating hormones, then avoid eating too many gassy foods at one meal. Foods like cabbage, broccoli, cauliflower, onions, beans, Brussels spouts, corn, oats, potatoes, apples, pears, peaches, milk, soft cheese and fluffy wheat are difficult to digest. Chew your food properly too because digestion begins in the mouth. I expect that you have read this all before and follow the necessary advice. If you still have a bloated belly then take up belly dancing.
What an amazing hobby for a woman. It accentuates all your curves especially that rounded belly, and can help you discover your inner goddess. (I read that in a magazine once. My inner goddess is more of a Medusa at the moment.) I admit that I have had a go at this. I attended several classes, and to be fair, you do actually begin to feel much more feminine once you grasp the idea. (And stop guffawing.) You can convince yourself that you are enchanting and captivating by the end of a session or two. The women who attend are encouraging and there is a grace to the dance. By the end of my sessions, I was ready to be sensual and provocative and entertain my man.
Give a local centre a call and watch a performance. You’ll be intrigued. Have a go yourself. I don’t suggest you try and captivate your man while he is watching the football though. Somehow, you wobbling your stomach at him while waving a dishcloth about, and batting eyelids, takes second place when Arsenal are playing Manchester United.
What about taking up something else that’ll make you feel sexy, wanton and desirable? Burlesque is all about the slow tease. People love burlesque today because it incorporates all the old-school glamour, satire and highlights the female form — it’s something that many women can actually see themselves doing.
Burlesque, takes its name from the Italian word “burla” meaning a joke so I was naturally drawn to it. So far I haven’t managed to perform anywhere other than my bedroom in front of the mirror but I might venture out one of these days.
How much cardio can one get from shimmying your shoulders and wiggling your hips? Quite a bit, it seems. You’ll soon be strutting, sashaying, and sweating with a gusto that would have made Cher proud.
Still not convinced? Sample a Bollywood dance class. All the way from Bombay to Britain there are classes springing up everywhere. They have become very popular for events, workshops and school events. Even hen parties are booking classes. Buy a Bindi, a sari and some bling, then let out that inner Bollywood star. There will be no time to worry about brittle bones once you get on the dance floor.
If that is all too tame for you and you want to blast that bloated belly away by taking up an extreme activity, you could have a go at bungee jumping. It’s guaranteed to provide a lot of excitement and get your heart racing. I’m sure as you speed to the ground, your stomach will look flatter as it drags behind you.
(Extract from Grumpy Old Menopause by Carol E Wyer)